Notes from Grand Canyon
Ten Ways to Prepare for a Dory trip in Grand Canyon
TEN
WAYS TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE DORIES TRIP IN GRAND CANYON
10. One
week before the trip have a yard of sand delivered to your home. Sprinkle
liberally in bed, dresser drawer, kitchen and bath counters. Fill your
salt shaker, cereal boxes, sugar bowl and use as usual. Place garbage can
lid with sand in front of fans and run them continually at maximum speed.
9. After
renting a projection tv, illuminate the walls and ceiling of your bedroom
and play old Dracula movies—especially the snake, scorpion, and bat
scenes.
8. Have
your friends form a long line and systematically pass the contents of your home
out the front into the back door of your house.
7. Between
your mattress and box spring, place 2 or 3 medium-sized rocks. Try to
sleep as usual for 15 nights.
6. With
a large meat tenderizer practice beating beer cans down to the size of a hockey
puck.
5. Sit
on the hood of your car while riding through the car wash.
4. Line
your sandals with sand paper and spend 2 hours a day on the stair master.
3. Drape
the allotted contents of your grocery bag on the bushes and rocks of your
backyard. Twice a day practice changing while your neighbors watch.
2. With
22 friends standing in the shallow end of a swimming pool, practice looking
nonchalant as you carry on a conversation and pee simultaneously.
1. Poop
in your upstairs waste basket and with your pants around your ankles run
downstairs and pee in your tub.